Healthy Communication within Marriage,
by Sharon Luscombe - Counsellor
Out of the Ashes Counselling Australia
Communication! The way we communicate can be different in different circumstances, including work, family, friends, school etc. It is such an important aspect of our daily lives, but how many times do we hear about marriage breakdowns due to poor communication? Sadly it's a huge reality.
Couples who experience deep intimacy and fulfilling relationships, have learnt how to communicate openly, honestly and effectively, very well. For some couples, communication isn't something they have worked on and that is where we see the overflow into their relationship difficulties and ultimately a marriage breakdown. These couples experience anger, frustration and often resentment as they feel misunderstood, devalued or unheard.
Effective communication is key to having a successful marriage.
Today we're going to look at three ways to build up quality communication with your spouse.
Listen to understand - Not just to reply or argue. Listening is an artform. How important is it to us that we feel heard? It's the same for our spouse. We all need to feel that we are being heard and also understood. When those times come up, and they do, where we need to have a discussion as a couple, it's very easy to get frustrated when we feel that our spouse is not listening to us. Here is where we can learn one of the biggest keys in communication. Listen with the objective of trying to understand what your spouse is explaining to you. When you're not sure if you understand clearly, ask for clarification. This shows that you're interested in what they are saying and that you value their thoughts and feelings. It's important not to switch off when our spouse is talking as if we're biding our time and waiting for our turn to talk or argue back. Effective listening helps us gain understanding of how our spouse feels and can be a turning point for a healthy marriage.
Don't Play the Blame Game - It is vital that each partner be brave enough to admit when they're wrong and admit their faults. We're all wrong at times, however, playing the blame game only causes people to either shut down or become defensive. By showing our spouse that we're willing to be humble enough to admit when we're wrong, we're showing that we're not willing to make excuses for our wrong choices or mistakes and visa versa, we also shouldn't be too quick to accept excuses. It's always important to be brave enough to say "I'm sorry, I was wrong."
Forget Anger - Anger can be a way that we protect ourselves. However, anger can never be a part of healthy communication. We can not express ourselves effectively, in a healthy or positive manner when we're angry. It is vital to stop, take some deep breathes, compose yourself and restart the conversation. If this means that you or your spouse need to go somewhere quiet to self regulate, then allow for that. When the time is right and both parties are calm, the conversation can re commence, whilst also watching the tone of your voice and your body language. If you feel that you or your spouse need help in managing any anger issues, it is vital to obtain professional help. It is something that can be worked on and well worth the effort when it comes to the life of your marriage.
It is very true that effective communication is one of the most valuable aspects to a successful marriage. By communicating well with your spouse, you open up the doors to a fulfilling and nourishing relationship that can grow deeper in love and respect. In doing so, you're working on developing your marriage into a beautiful intimate union. Marriage is a beautiful gift, let's take good care of it.
If you are struggling in your marriage and would like some help, please don't hesitate to reach out and give us a call at Out of the Ashes Counselling Australia (0431433690). We'd be more than happy to help.
As always, don't do life alone, we're only a phone call away.
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