Loneliness Series - # 1 What is Loneliness?
by Sharon Luscombe - Counsellor
Out of the Ashes Counselling Australia
Today we’ll be looking at what loneliness is.
The Oxford Dictionary describes loneliness as, “a feeling of being unhappy because you have no friends or people to talk to.” While this may be true, there are many ways people struggle with loneliness and the definition seems to be wide and varied according to the circumstances that each person finds themselves in.
For example, a child who has no one to play with at school and an elderly person who has lost their spouse will both be feeling very lonely, but for two very different reasons and they both have two very different needs. Whether a person lives in an isolated environment or not, doesn’t seem to be the main cause of loneliness. Loneliness and solitude don’t always go hand in hand. Loneliness is a psychological state that is tied to our emotions and thought patterns. This is why people can feel very lonely even when they’re in a crowded room. Loneliness has less to do with how many people we have around us and the solitude we live in, and more to do with how we think and feel. Many people love their own company and are happy having some time in solitude just doing something that they enjoy. At the same time, there are people that don’t like to be alone and enjoy having most of their time with others.
What are some reasons people feel lonely?
# Death of a spouse or loved one.
# Moving to a new home/town.
# Divorce.
# Bullying.
# Living alone.
# Starting a new school/college.
# Starting a new job.
# Retiring.
# Lack of connection to God/Jesus Christ.
# Chronic health problems or mental health challenges.
# Becoming a parent.
# Missing out on family holidays.
# Becoming the caregiver for a loved one.
# Rejection from parents or family members.
Let’s look at some symptoms of loneliness.
# Longing to have more friends.
# Feeling misunderstood.
# Feeling empty inside.
# Feeling alone, even when surrounded by people.
# Not wanting to socialise, when thinking of going out makes you feel exhausted to the extent that you cancel outings all together.
# Feelings of anxiety, depression or just a bit flat.
# Your body just doesn’t “feel right.”
# You’re spending a lot of time on social media.
# You’re not taking care of yourself like you used to. Binge eating, drinking alcohol to excess, skipping out on your regular exercise, substance abuse, or overspending.
How do we alleviate Loneliness?
There are certain things you can put into place that will help alleviate the loneliness in your life.
# Get professional help if you feel you may be considering ending your life. You are more valuable than you think!
# Organize something to do once a week. This gives you something to look forwards to.
# Buy/adopt a pet. Pets give a lot of love and company.
# Volunteer. Many people love the feeling of helping others. Giving back to your community is a great way to boost your self – esteem and surround yourself with people to talk to and work with.
# Make a serious effort to take are of yourself. This includes eating well, being active and getting enough sleep each night.
# Look over your contacts and reach out to friends you haven’t been in touch with for a while. You may be surprised at the responses.
# Invest in quality time with those closest to you.
# Most people have a “Bucket List.” Be creative, list everything you’d love to do and then start setting goals to achieve them. Remember to start with small steps that are achievable, this encourages us to continue.
In November 1981 George T Doran developed a goal setting tool with the acronym S.M.A.R.T.
* Specific – What do you want to achieve?
* Measurable – How will you monitor the goal to see how you’re progressing?
* Attainable/Achievable - Is you goal able to be met? What do you need to reach this goal?
* Realistic – Can you reach this goal with the resources you have?
* Time Bound – What is the timeline for reaching your goal?
Some further Thoughts for those who have Faith-
What Does God say about Loneliness?
We find in the Bible, when God created man, He knew it was not good that man should dwell alone. Why? Because mankind is designed, by God, to live their lives with God, family and community, where they can be loved, valued and live with purpose.
Genesis 2:18 says - The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (NIV)
What does God, family and community look like for you?
Take a few moments to write down your thoughts on what this might look like for you and see if there are any things in your life that may need changing. How would you implement those changes?
We all have a longing to feel connected and belong, this is a normal emotional response that God Himself has placed within the hearts of all people. This can be face to face contact, social connections, work life or just being surrounded by people that we can somehow connect with throughout the day. However, our first point of contact to alleviate loneliness should be connecting to God Himself.
Have you given your life to God? What does your relationship with Jesus Christ look like? Do you know Jesus as you Lord and Saviour?
Take a moment to think about the magnitude of placing God first in your life and how it would change your life for the better. Is this a priority for you?
How do I ask Jesus Christ into my life?
Jesus is the only One that can fill the void inside of us. Friends and family are great, however, as a wise person once said, there’s a God shaped hole inside each of us that only God Himself can fill. God tells us in Isaiah 1:18 (NKJV) “Come now, and let us reason together,” Says the Lord, “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; Though they are red like crimson, they shall be as wool.”
What does this mean? This means we can sit down and talk to God about our failings, the things we’ve done wrong, our mistakes (sins), He’s eager to be in our lives and as such, He made a way for this to be a reality in our lives. He sent Jesus as a baby (Christmas) and He grew to be a man who died on a cross (Easter) for each of us, to take away the punishment that was due for our sins and allow us to access God Himself in a heart-to-heart relationship. He washes us whiter than snow.
All we need to do is talk to God, there’s no fancy words needed. Just tell God that you know He’s real, ask Him to forgive you for the mistakes you’ve made and ask Him to be your Lord and Saviour. After we talk to God about our mistakes, the Bible tells us to repent. That means we basically turn around! Turn from continuing to make the same mistakes and wrong choices and follow Gods ways. How do we find out what God’s ways are? We read the Bible each day, find a good Bible teaching church and get to know other people who love Jesus so that we can encourage each other.
If you have chosen to give your life to Jesus for the first time, or returned to Him. We'd love you to reach out and let us know your story. If you need some guidance in regards to where you might find a Bible teaching church, don't hesitate to give us a call. We'd be happy to help!
John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
Photo by - Rod Long
Bible verses to Bring Comfort and Reassurance of God’s love for you -
Psalm 27:10
Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close.
Psalm 34:18
The Lord is close to the broken-hearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.
Romans 8:38-39
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
1 Peter 5:7
Cast all your anxiety on Him, for He cares for you.
Deuteronomy 31:8
The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.
If you are considering ending your life, please call 000 immediately.
Suicide Callback service – 1300 659 467
As always, don't do life alone. You are far more valuable than you think!
Call Out of the Ashes Counselling Australia and get some help in making
healthy changes today – 0431433690
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