Men and The Mid Life Crisis - Is it Real?
by Sharon Luscombe - Counsellor
Out of the Ashes Counselling Australia
Middle age is often seen as a pivotal point in life. You're at the end of the younger side of life and at the beginning of old age, and the view of the future can seem unsettling. Sobering right? But the question most men ask is, "Is the Mid Life crisis real?" Some people make fun of men who are middle aged, like it's something out of the movies where men in their fifties and sixties ditch their wives for younger women, buy fancy sports cars and move back into the party scene. But is it a real part of the journey for men?
There have been many studies done on the mid life crisis and most come to the conclusion that there are in fact people who do go through a period of dissatisfaction of life through the middle years. Many men look at what they've achieved and what they have yet to achieve and start to wonder if they'll get the opportunity with the time they have left. This is a sobering thought for ones mortality. Many men take a good hard look at their life, think they could be happier and then jump into big changes that they wouldn't normally make. They feel trapped and begin to "act out" in ways that blow their life way out of proportion.
What are some signs that you may be struggling through middle age?
1. You feel uneasy about fundamental elements of your life.
You may come home to your wife and tell her that you need to get out of the job you have and then make major changes to do so. Does this mean just because you change jobs that your struggling? Of course not! However, this needs to be looked at, as to whether or not this is out of character for you.
2. You may feel that your time for taking your life on a different direction is running short.
This can cause some men to feel quite anxious, so much so, that there are some men who start having panic attacks through this period of time in their lives. This can be especially so when a new grandchild is born, a parent passes away or they start to notice physical changes in themselves or they don't seem to have the same stamina they used to have when they were younger.
3. You make unusual choices.
For some men this means they have an affair/cheat on their wife. They feel the need to prove to themselves that they can still attract a beautiful woman. Some leave their family, start drinking more than usual, seek out more exciting and thrilling activities or be more concerned about their appearance.
How do we navigate through this period in life?
Talk with someone you trust.
Men have a unique ability to problem solve! Find time to sit down with a trusted friend, Pastor or counsellor and talk through the challenges you're going through. Then be open to listening to their advice , opinions and whether or not they think the choices you are making are wise.
Take stock of the good things in your life and be thankful.
It's a well known fact that people who show gratitude and are thankful have a more satisfying life. Even take the time to write down all the good things in your life. Often when we can physically see these things on paper, we're amazed at how much there is to be thankful for.
Remember that your feelings shouldn't control your decision making.
Just because you feel like you should blow off your job, doesn't mean you should. Or, just because you feel like leaving your family and loved ones, doesn't mean that's the wisest choice. Look at ways to work through situations in a healthier manner. It's always wise to incorporate your loved ones into your choices.
Make an overview of the choices you'd like to make - are they realistic?
Many men make successful changes in their middle years. They accomplish personal development with new studies, start new businesses and do more travelling. Making sure that your goals are realistic and attainable is the first step to success. Look at the goal you've set and then work on smaller steps to attain that main goal. If needed, talk to a professional for advice.
Diet & Exercise
We hear it all the time but the way we eat and keep active has a major effect on our health, including our mental health. Keeping our food intake to the healthier options of vegetables, protein (fish, eggs, chicken, lamb and a little beef), full fat dairy, cold pressed oils such as extra virgin olive oil and cold pressed raw coconut oil, legumes, berries etc and leaving sugar, processed foods and refined carbohydrates behind, will make a huge impact on your body. As will being active each day in a form that you enjoy. Studies prove that when we choose an activity that we enjoy, we are more likely to stick with it. Does this mean we need to join a gym? No, but if this is something you enjoy, go for it. There are many ways to keep active. Walking, running, swimming, bushwalking, gardening, bike riding, surfing.....the list is endless!
Laugh!
Laughter really is the best medicine. It is incredibly good for the heart and all round health. It relives stress, stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles while releasing endorphins, that are released by your brain. It relieves pain by the body releasing natural pain killers, increases your mood and satisfaction in life and soothes tension by stimulating circulation and aids in muscle relaxation.
Life is precious and struggling through middle age is not the end! Looking too far ahead can impact the here and now, so the question is....what are you going to enjoy while you're alive and well?
Photo Unsplash - Esther Ann
If you are struggling through middle age and need someone to talk to, as always, don't do life alone, we're only a phone call away. Call Out of the Ashes Counselling Australia for an appointment today. PH:0431433690
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